Another Miserably Failed Evil Plan in the Life of Megamind
by zebralily999
Summary: As you can probably guess from the title, I have taken the liberty to imagine the worst possible evil Roxanne Ritchi kidnappings out of Megamind's collection of 1,001. I made it when I was bored, but, if you ask me, it's pretty good. takes place before the movie. No romance or strange, creepy things creepy fan-fiction writers do.
1. Chapter 1

"Ready, Minion?" asked Megamind evilly. Minion nodded, somewhat uncertainly.

"Alright,let's get started," Megamind announced, laughing malicously and furrowing his brow in an attempt to look more terrifying. He ran, skid across the floor smoothly, and hopped into his new invention. The first flying, invisible, time-travel car. Blue flames streaked across the hood when it was visible, with navy lightning bolts painted on the sides. Megamind started the engine. It roared like a top class Ferrari.

Minion clumsily popped open the passenger side door and squeezed into the seat with a grunt of effort. Megamind pressed hard on the gas pedal before Minion even had time to slam his door shut. It whipped back and forth, like a plastic sack stuck on a tree branch on a windy day, as Megamind cranked up the speed. Minion failed to catch and shut it miserably. His master didn't even notice the unshut door. Megamind pressed a button above his front car window, which caused the sides of his fake observatory lair to open like sideways garage doors.

Leaving nothing but skids on the floor of their lair, Megamind flew his car outside at top speed. Immediately, the sunlight seeped into the flying automobile, blinding Megamind's view for meer moments. But in those few seconds, he'd managed to ram the side of his new invention into a building inadvertedly. He still kept driving, holding a hand to his face to block out the sun, as the side of his car that had hit the rough brick tower skid and slid across it, making the car and its passengers bump and bounce. Minion screamed loudly in terror.

Eventually, when Megamind had gotten used to the light, he drifted his car away from the building. But it was too late. Half of his new invention had been dented and dinted and scratched up so bad that it couldn't even be reconized as the left side of a hot rod anymore. After looking out his window and seeing the damage, Megamind brought his head back inside and slammed it repeatedly onto his steering wheel, accidentlly causing it to honk. People on the streets below looked up and laughed. Just when he thought his day couldn't get any worse, the swinging door on Minion's side flew off. Megamind just sighed. "Did you bring the ray gun?" he asked after a moment.

"No, I thought that you had it in the trunk or something," replied a panicked Minion.

"Minion, now listen to me closely," sighed Megamind,"I DIDN'T EVEN PUT A TRUNK IN THIS VELICLE!"

Minion didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He'd let down his master and pretty much ruined the plan, but he found it funny that one of the smartest living creatures on Earth couldn't even pronounce 'vehicle'.

"Should we just turn around and try another day?" asked Minion shamefully. He'd chosen it for his own safety to be sad instead of happily laughing at his master's poor grammar.

"No," said Megamind simply,"Let's just get this over with."


	2. Megamind's Failed Plan: Chapter 2

It was fairly easy to find Roxanne Ritchi. Flying high in the sky in their beaten-down, flying invisible, time-traveling car, Megamind spotted her doing a news report in front of the new Metro Man statue. Seeing the tall marble superhero made Megamind tighten his grip on his steering wheel in anger until his knuckles turned white. The villain's disposition for Metro Man deepened with every sight of him- even the viewing of a marble impersonation of the hero would do.

Megamind pulled his steering wheel up, causing strain on his small muscles, and his flying car dipped down at a tight angle like a rollercoaster's twisty trick. The car grazed over the top of civilians' heads, blowing their hats and scarves up, up, and away . Megamind roared the engine, hoping to draw the crowd's attention off the dented side of his invention to the good side. He neared Roxanne Ritchi, grabbing her off the ground as she talked in front of the cameraman. Before the woman even had time to say a word, Megamind handed her over to Minion to hold on the way back to the lair and turned around the car. He raised it quickly to the height equal of the city's lower buildings and drove away, the engine sputtering and struggling from the high-speed.

Roxanne's cameraman Megamind believed he was called Cal or Sal or something like that- looked up as the villain drove away, his long cape swooping in the air, and yelled,"Hey, you bozo! You can't just take her away!" Despite his angry attitude, the man seemed jealous of Megamind. He kicked the ground sadly as the flying car carrying Roxanne just became a black dot in the distance, hard to make out over the gray clouds in the sky.

"Put me down, right now!" screamed Roxanne Ritchi as she finally overcame her shock of being lifted one-hundred feet in the air. She kicked and screamed and punched, achieving nothing from her tantrum except for small dints in Minion robot suit from her spiky heels. Eventually Minion just pulled her shoes off, out of anger of getting dented, and dropped them off the car. After seeing her expensive designer heels crumple on the street below, Roxanne gave up her fit and folded her arms indignantly.

"Can I use my Frequent Kidnapping Card this time?" she asked Megamind.

The villain rolled his eyes and said,"Now if you'd read the agreement sheet before you had signed up for the card, you'd know that it only qualtifies if you were to be kidnapped by Minion. If you remember right, I was the one who grabbed you." Megamind snickered and increased his vehicle's speed. Minion didn't see any need to correct Megamind on his pronunciation of 'qualifies'.

Roxanne threw up her hands in disgust as Megamind added,"Oh yeah, I'm also discontinuing that promotion" with an evil smile.

Within a few minutes, the evil blue alien successfully brought his gorilla robot fish and shoeless reporter to his lair on the back of his flying invisible time-traveling dented car. He hooked Roxanne up on a cold, metal chair that locked her wrists to the arms of the seat and was about to pull a lever that would reveal a pit of alligators below her, when there was a sudden loud noise. Megamind looked up, Minion following his example soon after.

The wooden wall of Megamind's fake observatory lair now had a large, gaping hole in it. The broken wooden boards had been violently blown apart, their lost parts scattering and sliding across the metal floor. In the midst of all the wreckage, stood a tall, muscled man with an Elvis Presley hairstyle. He wore a white superhero suit with a large shiny M on it.

_Metroman_. Megamind furrowed his brow in anger, red blotches propping up on his cheeks. The man who'd been defeating him for years and sending him to prison time after time fafter time. Megamind's archenemy.

Metro Man sauntered over to the villain, his pristine white boots lopping on the titanium floor. He clumped his fist against the palm of his left hand, causing a ripple of power to surge through the room, and said,"Not too fast, Megamind."


End file.
